Related Q&As:
- Please hold while I masturbate: This explains the importance of consent in a healthy relationship.
- Too much sex, too little relating: This Q&A response mentions communicating expectations of the relationship from each partner.
- Healthy versus unhealthy relationships: This lists various indicators of a healthy relationship, which can help readers understand that being pressured into sexual acts is not a part of a healthy relationship.
- Abstinent and horny: This is tangentially related, as the reader mentions of wanting to be abstinent.
Source 1: Healthy Relationships & Consent
SUMMARY: This source from an organization that specializes on mental health treatments. It is a PowerPoint on what constitutes a healthy relationship and how consent plays a role in that. It briefly defines consent and offers situations in which there is, or is not, consent given, which can be applicable to the reader's situation.
Source 2: How do I talk about abstinence and outercourse?
SUMMARY: This source from Planned Parenthood explains how one can communicate their desire towards abstinence. It also mentions other sexual acts that do not necessarily entail intercourse called outercourse, though I am not sure if it is applicable to this question.
Source 3: Learning About Abstinence for Teens
SUMMARY: Aside from communicating one's wish to become abstinent, this source mentions personal ways for one to stay abstinent. They include remembering why one chooses to abstain from sex and how they can reach out to others for support.
OVERALL CONCLUSIONS:
In the response, the reader says that their boyfriend "completely understood [their] morals but then pushed the limits after only one month together" and that the reader "didn't stop him." Given this statement, it can be implied that the reader may have been pressured into losing their virginity. Also, this means that the basis of their sexual relationship may not be built off enthusiastic consent, which may pose several problems.
In general, consent is when both partners give each other permission to engage in a specific action (Source 1). Consent can always be retracted at any time. So even though the reader lost their virginity to their boyfriend, that does not mean that they have to continue to have sex with them if they do not want. Despite the boyfriend being upset at the decision to not have sex, the reader still has the right to not have sex with them. It may be another issue if the reader has told their boyfriend that they do not want to have sex, but the boyfriend does not listen to them. An important aspect of consent is that it is explicit. This means if the person did not say "no," it does not mean a "yes."
What the response should include is an explanation of enthusiastic consent and how implementing that in a relationship. As an extension of consent, enthusiastic consent emphasizes the idea of consent as a positive thing. This can be achieved by explicitly agreeing to certain activities, confirming reciprocal interest in certain activities, and providing positive feedback when you're comfortable with an activity.
If the reader would still want to continue their relationship, there are various ways that they can improve it, many of which were previously mentioned in the original response. In a relationship, both individuals should be equal in power and, thus, have equal rights to make decisions in the relationship (Source 1). This can be discussed in conversations about limits and boundaries, and not just mentioned one time (Source 2). Also, being having conversations about this continuously, it can ensure that consent is ongoing and mutual.
Additionally, it would be beneficial to get support from someone that the reader trusts (Source 3). While they may not feel comfortable disclosing their situation to family or friends, they can reach out to their religious leaders or healthcare providers for guidance, as they are familiar with situations like this.