Related Q&As: (remember to delete old Q&A and add new one’s with sentence-summary)
- Man trapped in woman's body: This Q&A can be relevant to the reader if they seeking support with questing their gender identity.
- Gynecologist: Should I continue as a transgender man?: The reader who asked this question is someone who transitioned and is inquiring about gynecology visits, which may be of pertinence to this reader.
- Gender-affirming surgeries: This brings interesting points that this reader may might be considering if they were to undergo gender-affirming surgeries.
- Sexy role-plays: This is relevant to the reader's inquiry regarding role-playing and if it can help with better understanding their sexuality.
- Ménage à trois?: This can be helpful if the reader wants to learn more about bringing up the idea of introducing more sexual partners into their sex life with their boyfriend.
Source 1: Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity Definitions
SUMMARY
This webpage from the HRC mentions brief information about the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity. If there is clinically significant distress caused by incompatibility between one's perceived gender and assigned gender at birth, it may be considered gender dysphoria. While it does not give much information in depth, it serves as a good way to initially research this information.
Source 2: What Is Gender Dysphoria?
SUMMARY
This source from the American Psychiatric Association gives a more in-depth look into what gender dysphoria entails. Given that it is a condition that can only be diagnosed by a healthcare/mental health professional, this information only serves as a tool that can help the reader figure out if they should see a healthcare/mental health professional. This source also provides definitions for different gender identities.
Source 3: The Spectrum Model of Sex, Gender and Sexuality
SUMMARY
This source is very informative in understanding the spectrum model in understanding sex, gender, and sexuality. This spectrum models are better explained as identities falling on a continuum, in between two extremes. There are some critiques with the model. It does not fully explain where attraction to genderqueer individuals would fall on the spectrum. Nonetheless, it is a solid model for understanding how sexuality/gender identity can be understood.
Source 4: Mental Health Facts on Questioning/Queer Populations
SUMMARY
This better explains how the terms queer and questioning can be helpful when one is better understanding their sexuality. Queer is an umbrella term referring to anyone who does not conform to societal norms like heterosexuality and being cisgender. The reader might find it helpful to refer to themselves as questioning, as they are in the process of fully determining their sexual orientation.
OVERALL CONCLUSIONS:
While the reader is grappling with what their sexuality may be, it is important to understand that sex, sexuality, and gender can be understand as being their own respective spectrums. With this in mind, the reader can be any combination of gender and sexual identity without the former necessarily dictating the latter (Source 3).
Gender identity can be seen on a continuum, rather than a binary, with men/masculine and women/feminine being on opposite ends of the spectrum. For those that fall in between the two ends, or feel a combination of both, genderqueer or queer is a term that can be used. Agender is a term for those who do not identify with any gender, while transgender is a term for those who do not identify with the gender generally associated with the sex they were assigned at birth.
As for sexuality, that also lies on a spectrum. One end is sexual/romantic orientation towards people of the same gender and/or sex, and the other is that towards people of another gender and/or sex. An umbrella term used for people of all marginalized sexualities and genders is queer. Given the history of the word having been used as a slur, some older individuals might not feel comfortable with that term, so it is important to establish if it is appropriate to use the term to describe certain individual. For those that are in process of better understanding their sexuality as a non-straight person may feel more comfortable as seeing themselves as questioning (Source 4). Those who are attracted to people of their own gender, as well as other genders, can be considered bisexual, while those attracted to individuals of any gender and/or sex can be considered as pansexual. While this spectrum is not entirely comprehensive—it has been criticized for not properly expanding on attraction toward genderqueer individuals—it is a solid way to start understanding one's sexuality.
Though the reader explicitly mentions that they are dealing with sexual identity issues, they may also be dealing with gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria is the condition in which a person's assigned/physical gender does not align with what they identify as. This can lead to discomfort with their physical appearance and societal expectations (Source 2). This discomfort can also lead to significant distress and negatively affect one's life. For some with gender dysphoria, they might have their appearance reflect their gender identity. This can range from expressing themselves with certain clothes and hairstyles, changing the name/pronouns they used to go by, or medically transitioning with hormone treatment or sex-change surgery. Since it is technically a psychiatric diagnosis, only a doctor or mental health professional can diagnose the reader as having gender dysphoria.
Since sexuality and gender identities lie on respective spectrums, they are very complex to confidently determine. One may feel that a certain identity may actually describe them more thoroughly than another, but ultimately, the reader should know that it is however they choose to identify as. There are a variety of resources online that can assist with better. A good place to start looking is the PFLAG, the Trevor Project, and even the CDC; they link to different hotlines, resources, and groups that can be of use for the reader.