Feeling suicidal... Help!

Dear Alice,

What do you do if you feel suicidal and don't have anyone to tell?

Health topics
Answer

Dear Reader, 

Having thoughts of suicide may be scary and overwhelming but you aren't alone. Many people have dealt with suicidal feelings at various times in their lives, and asking for help is a major step forward. If in crisis, it's recommended to seek support right away. If you aren't able to ask a friend or family member for help, you might try contacting a mental health professional. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, which offers free, confidential support 24 hours a day, seven days a week. It’s okay if you're unsure how to begin the conversation. One option is simply saying "I need help." The crisis worker you speak with can take it from there. 

Here are some strategies you can try if you’re having thoughts of suicide: 

  • Try creating space between your thoughts and any action. Having thoughts of suicide doesn’t have to lead to suicide completion. Experts urge people having thoughts of suicide to wait and create space between your thoughts and any action. One way to do this may be to make a promise to yourself that you won’t act for a set period (for example, that day or week). 
  • Try to minimize drug and alcohol use. Consider abstaining from drugs and alcohol, as they may contribute to thoughts of suicide. 
  • Try to reduce access to means of harm. Remove potentially lethal means such as prescription or nonprescription drugs, knives, razors, or guns from your home. If you can’t, consider going to a different location, where you feel safe. Or, if overdosing is a possibility, have a person you trust store and help you regulate the use of any prescribed medicine. 
  • Share your suicidal thoughts with others. Letting someone know about your thoughts, such as a family member, friend, mentor, mental health professional, health care provider, professor, coach, or a person in your spiritual community may help provide some support. 
  • Try to remember that you’re not alone. Many people have experienced thoughts of suicide and have gone on to have fulfilling lives. With time, this might be a possibility for you, too. 

Adapted from HelpGuide

Once you've utilized some of these strategies, it may be helpful to try to get connected with some mental health resources. If you're a student, you could try contacting your school's mental health services to get connected with a provider. Even if it's beyond typical office hours, your school may have an after-hours service that could provide assistance. If you have health insurance, another option is contacting your health insurance company to get a list of providers covered under your plan. A health care provider may also be able to recommend a mental health professional to you. Otherwise, you may consider a resource like Psychology Today to find a mental health professional in your area. The Q&A Sliding scale therapy options for non-CU boyfriend provides more information about how to access mental health services if finances are a concern. Lastly, along with The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, other helpful resources for suicide prevention include Befrienders International, the American Association of Suicidology, and Suicide Awareness Voices of Education

Having suicidal thoughts may indicate that your life seems unbearable and that the pain you’re experiencing might feel all-consuming and never-ending. However, know that the intensity of your current emotional suffering may pass with time. In-the-moment feelings of hopelessness and depression might distort your decision-making process, along with your understanding of yourself and the world around you. For this reason, when in a state of extreme distress, experts urge individuals to postpone the decision to end their lives. If you choose to keep living, you may have the chance to experience positive feelings and events in the future. 

Once you are no longer in distress, you may want to think about long-term ways to reduce thoughts of suicide and improve your quality of life. HelpGuide provides some recommendations such as: 

  • Identifying what may cause suicidal feelings. Suicidal thoughts and feelings may increase with anniversaries of loss, alcohol and drug use, and relationship stress. 
  • Practicing self-care. Recommendations include eating a well-rounded diet, sleeping the recommended seven to nine hours, being active, and getting outside. It could be helpful to try doing some activities that make you feel more relaxed and balanced. 
  • Identifying the people who can support you. Being mindful of spending time with people who lift you up and support you may help to increase positive feelings. This includes spending time with them in person. 
  • Finding activities or interests that excite you and make you happy. Consider participating in activities that feel meaningful to you, and if possible, avoid spending time on activities that make you feel worse. 
  • Practicing stress management strategies to cope. Being physically active, meditating, engaging in relaxation strategies (such as breathing exercises), and working to reframe negative thoughts are potential options. 
  • Developing a daily routine. If you don't have one, you might consider creating a daily routine and sticking to it to give your life more structure. 
  • Creating a safety plan. Determining a plan to address suicidal thoughts if they return may help you take steps to mitigate them and seek care before they escalate. 

Talking to a mental health professional or someone else you trust may help you better understand and manage your current and any future suicidal thoughts and feelings. Thank you for your courageous submission. Wishing you the best as you work towards seeking the help you deserve. 

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Related Q&As:

  •  Friend is depressed- How to Help?

If your friend mentions that they want to kill themselves, it is very important to take that seriously. Calling 911 or the national suicide prevention hotline (18002738255) are two options for more immediate situations. Making sure you are on the same page with your friend is important so you can make it known that you are there for them and worried. Seeking out additional assistance from a residential staff at college or the friend’s family might also be an option to help guide the conversation of getting to a better place. Making sure you are in a good head space is important to make sure you can be a supportive friend.

  •  No purpose in life

Clinical depression may occur if you are feeling down for weeks/months and it begins to influence your daily schedule like getting enough sleep or getting out of bed. There are many levels of severity when it comes to depression. Finding an organization to volunteer with, determining your morals and values and finding ways to demonstrate them in society could also be ways to find a purpose or motivation to get out of a period of hopelessness or sadness.

  • Finding low cost counseling

A university-affiliated mental health clinic, training institutes like the American Psychological Association, finding sliding fee services, narrowing your search for a specific identity group or for substance abuse could bring more low cost services to light. Choose your provider wisely!

  • Will I be hospitalized for being depressed?

Sometimes the best way for a person to care for themselves is in a hospital setting. The question goes over what to expect from a counseling session.

  • Suicide: Perspectives from readers

This isn’t really a question, but it has 3 really amazing stories from readers sharing their past experience with suicidal thoughts. Perhaps reading uplifting stories like this could help someone through times of hopelessness.

Source 1: SAMSHA Find Treatment-- Research

SUMMARY

This cite lists many hotline phone numbers for organizations geared towards suicide prevention. 1-800-273-TALK (8255) should be included specifically in the response.

Source 2: Depression: supporting a family member or friend- Mayo Clinic

SUMMARY

Depression should be clinically diagnosed, but some symptoms include feeling sad, having abnormal sleeping patterns, and trouble concentrating. The rest of the hints of depression is on the site. Depression increases the risk of suicide. This source lists some ways that you can be a good friend/ family member to someone who is managing depression like demonstrating interest in their wellbeing and offering to help them talk to a mental health professional. The site advises to take friends or family who mention suicide seriously and to take action immediately. Ask if they have a plan because that increases the chance of an attempted suicide.

Source 3: Do’s and Don’ts Essential Steps for Averting Suicide

SUMMARY

A short list of things to do and not to do when talking someone through suicide.

Do: know the warning signs, be open, and show interest

Don’t: Act shocked or upset, dare them to do it, swear to secrecy, refuse to talk about it

Rest is on the site.

Source 4: Are you thinking about suicide? How to stay safe and find treatment

SUMMARY

The site is written for people who may be thinking about suicide in the current moment. It recommends to separate emotions from action and to think about what is currently happening. Hopelessness can skew a person’s decision and, although it may not seem like it at the time, suicidal thoughts stem from treatable issues. Once calmed, take immediate action. Call someone you love or trust like a close friend or a mental health professional. Call the prevention hotline.

For more long term prevention of suicidal thoughts, acquire coping mechanisms that can help get you out. It may not be easy or seem appealing at the time to do these things, but making yourself more social or joining a meaningful program gets much easier if they become routine. Making sure you have a strategic plan for what to do when these thoughts arise is the first step in getting better.

Source 5: Are you feeling suicidal?

SUMMARY

You are not alone! It gets better with time and support. This site gives some key things about life that makes it worth living like sights and sounds in life and there have also been pleasurable emotions in your life and they can and will come back! Emotional distress can skew a person’s decision making. They explain why someone might feel suicidal and lists immediate steps to take

  • Promise not to do anything right now
  • Avoid drugs and alcohol
  • Make the home safe
  • Don’t keep suicidal thoughts to yourself: talk to someone you trust, even if it is a member of the clergy!
  • Have HOPE- people get through it!

This source directly answers the question and talks about some simple life adjustments if you have suicidal thoughts and feelings.

OVERALL CONCLUSIONS:

The previous response’s recommendation if they had no friends or family to talk to about these feelings is to reach out to a mental health professional or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

It is important to remind them they are not alone and that they can get over this feeling. Emotions are just temporary, so although they might feel hopeless right now, there will be a time in the future when they can feel pleasurable emotions. In fact, depression and hopelessness can skew their decision- making process so it is important to promise not to take any actions on these feelings.

For immediate action:

  • Promise not to do anything right now. Make space between thoughts and action
  • Avoid drugs and alcohol
  • Make the home safe. Remove things that might be used to harm.
  • Don’t keep suicidal thoughts to yourself: talk to someone you trust, even if it is a member of the clergy! Look at source 1 for a list of hotlines they can talk to, and if you think it necessary, call 911 or a local emergency number. Look at “Finding low cost counseling” Q&A for other counseling options.
  • Have HOPE- people get through it!

Source 4 steps:

  • Talk to someone in person
  • Make a safety plan
  • Have a regular routine
  • Get some sunlight
  • Exercise
  • Make time in your day for things that bring happiness
  • Remember and stick to your goals!

Avoid:

  • Being alone
  • Alcohol and drugs
  • Doing things that make you feel worse
  • Having negative thoughts

Long term recovery steps

  • Identify triggers
  • Self-care like eating, drinking, sleeping, showers
  • Build a support network
  • Have new activities and interests
  • Learn coping strategies for future suicidal feelings.

Notes on research:

Sources 4-5 most directly answers the question. Source 2-3 is for friends/ family who are suicidal, but might be useful to help write the question in a reassuring manner.

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