Dear Alice,
How do you think I should go about coming out of the closet to my mother?
Dear Alice,
How do you think I should go about coming out of the closet to my mother?
Dear Reader,
Bravo to you for the desire to be honest with your mother and true to yourself. Coming out is a personal choice that may be both intimidating and rewarding, and by considering all of your options and garnering support from others in advance, you can be well prepared for the conversation.
Coming out is also a highly individualized process — but, no matter how you do it or say it, doing a bit of work to set the stage for your discussion can help ensure you have all the resources and support you need in the process. Here are a few tips and strategies as you plan for your conversation:
There are a few additional ways to prepare that relate to you, your safety, and your well-being. As much as you're able to prepare for a conversation with your mom, it may be difficult to predict how she may react to the news. If you’re worried that her reaction may jeopardize your living or financial situation, you might want to consider waiting until you’re able to financially support yourself or have a safe space to stay. It’s also wise to round up some support — especially if you’re concerned that coming out to your mom might not go over well. These folks may be trusted friends, family members, or even a mental health professional with whom you may be able to check-in and debrief with about your coming out process. These might also be the same people you reach out to prior to your discussion with your mom to practice what you’d like to say. Beyond supportive people, you may find it helpful to plan on some self-care as well, such as journaling, practicing yoga, going for a hike, listening to music, working on an art project — whatever it is that you’re into and helps you relax. The coming out process is full of ups and downs and having a few healthy coping strategies up your sleeve could come in handy.
If you need more specific advice about your particular situation, you may consider reaching out to a mental health professional or if you’re a student, your campus may have an LGBTQ+ resource office where you can seek out additional resources. The Trevor Project also has a great Coming Out Guide to help you think and work through the coming out process.
All in all, there’s really no one right way to come out. People choose to come out in their own way and that way may vary with each individual person to which they come out. The key is to be honest and to trust yourself. Regardless of how you choose to come out, it may a worthwhile stop-off on your journey to allow for a moment of reflection and to give yourself credit for the strength it takes to reach out and connect with your family in a new way. You might even go so far as to celebrate — this is a huge step!
Good luck and congrats,